The most comforting thought about the great Tom Lehrer’s atomic bomb ode “We’ll All Go Together When We Go” is captured in the very title. For if the bomb that’s dropped on you gets your friends and neighbors too…
That said, the most disconcerting thing about the impending rapture on Saturday is that you might not be going along for the ride! Indeed, that is true. Haven’t you been reading my blog? Haven’t you made preparations? Don’t you wish for the ease and simplicity of the Cold War? Then it was just: you drop a bomb on me, I drop a bomb on you and we’re all done for. Life was simpler back in the proverbial day.
The rapture though is complicated. First there’s the issue of no tears in heaven. Will it be that overwhelming that there truly will be no thought, no feeling for those left behind? What is an eternity without the full range of emotion? Isn’t part of the sweetness of life sorrow?
Now, let’s get serious. If / when the rapture occurs can those left behind claim insurance for those taken? My guess, and this is just a guess based on the entire history of every insurance claim ever made, is that no, those that are left behind will be completely screwed. Now see? The world ending mere months after the rapture isn’t so far fetched now is it?
Hold everything. Logic taken from public debate would say that Republicans are Christians. Christians are taken in the rapture. Therefore all Republicans are taken in the rapture. That is a fact and completely inarguable. Being that the case however, that would certainly clear the way for healthcare reform, the raising of minimum wage, immigration reform, money for the Arts and yes, higher taxes. That would only improve infrastructure and quality of life. Chaos would rule!
But, really, Gingrich is a Republican. And that slimy, lying, cheating on his wife piece of shit ain’t going up in no rapture. Therefore all Republicans aren’t Christians. Or is it Christian’s aren’t Republicans? Or must we admit it’s all a little bit complicated?
The bomb was much simpler.
Duck and cover.